Ask a Gay Guy!

Of all sexual acts, anal sex is the most misunderstood. Despite the fact that one out of every four women has engaged in anal sex, the practice remains taboo. Many women are reluctant to experiment with anal sex because of the many myths and misconceptions that surround the practice.

But once you learn the right techniques, it’s easy to see why anal sex can be so enjoyable. The anus contains a vast supply of nerves, and is one of our most sensitive erogenous zones. Stroking, massaging, and otherwise stimulating the anus can be intensely pleasurable. In fact, some women are able to orgasm from anal stimulation alone. Here you’ll find answers to the most common concerns about anal pleasures:

1. The anus is dirty.
Early in our childhood, we are taught that the anus is dirty and should not be touched. Thorough hand washing after accidentally touching this area is stressed. You may also have heard similar sentiments voiced about your vulva and vagina, but of course stimulation of these body parts can certainly provide a multitude of pleasurable sensations.

With routine daily hygiene, the anus is as clean as other parts of your body. It does contain its own natural bacteria, though, and to avoid infections, you must never move anything from your anus to your vagina.

2. Anal sex is painful.
Anal sex should not be painful. If it hurts, you are doing something wrong. If you learn the proper techniques prior to experimenting, you may find it enjoyable.

The keys to pleasurable anal sex are relaxation, lubrication and education. The anus is a tube that is one and a half inches long and surrounded by two rings of muscle. One ring, the external sphincter, is under your control. The other, the internal sphincter, will automatically tighten whenever something is pushed into your anus. Relaxing the external sphincter will make anal sex easier and more pleasurable. Your anus does not produce its own natural lubrication, so use lots of water-based lubricants to further increase your pleasure.

3. Anal sex is harmful and unhealthy.
Many women fear that anal sex will cause hemorrhoids, fissures or tears. Some even fear that they may become incontinent and spend the rest of their lives in adult diapers. Pleasurable anal sex does not cause harm to your anus or rectum. And as long as your partner does not have a sexually transmitted infection, neither semen nor sperm are harmful to your rectum.

If you are not sure about the sexually transmitted disease status of your partner, use a lubricated latex or polyurethane condom during anal sex. Avoid condoms with spermicides

—they may cause irritation of the sensitive anal and rectal tissues.

4. Anal sex is a perverted, unnatural act.
Anal sex has been an accepted sexual practice for centuries. In some cultures, women engage in anal sex with their male partners for sexual pleasure while protecting their virginity. You must decide for yourself what feels natural. If you are uncomfortable with any sexual act, don’t do it! You are in charge of what you do sexually.

5. Anal sex is enjoyed only by homosexuals.
Long considered a purely homosexual act, anal sex is enjoyed by many heterosexual couples as well. Anal sex is simply another option for sexual gratification and is unrelated to your sexual identity.

Know your anatomy.
To better understand anal sex, you need to understand the anatomy of your anus and rectum. With a mirror, and a good light source, take a look at your anus. As you spread your buttocks, you will notice the opening to your anus. Though it appears small and tight, it is capable of stretching enough to accommodate a finger, toy or any size penis. You will notice that the skin surrounding your anus is dark and wrinkled, and contains hair, sweat and oil-secreting glands. The tube-like anus contains numerous nerves and is exquisitely sensitive to touch and stretching. At the top of the anus is the rectum. The five-inch rectum is not straight, but makes several turns. And because the tissue of the rectum is delicate, sharp objects or unusual force can easily damage it. Though not as sensitive as the anus, some women enjoy the feeling of rectal “fullness” that is created during anal sex play.

(Source: ivillage.com)

“I believe the point is: if you can eat shrimp, we can eat cock.”

(Source: domulka)

(Source: ivemissedsomething)

“Why does it matter so much for gays to get married?

-Anonymous”

Dear Anonymous,

Why does it matter so much for any persons and couples to get married? Literally ask yourself that question right now. Come up with a few answers.

Have a few?

Okay.

Gays want to get married for the same reasons that straight couples want to get married. To “set their love in stone,” to have the rights to be parents without question, to have rights to visit in the hospital and make life or death decisions, and to have the rights to make hard decisions with finances, realty, or even life if their partner passes away. And right now, gays can’t do that.

It’s about equal rights. Respect. Tolerance. And the ability to do, own, have, make, buy, sell, conceive, and love without question. Without hate. Without blaming it on being “religiously wrong,” and sinful.

Gays and lesbians have dreams about big, fancy weddings just like every other person. But it’s not really about that. It’s strictly about equal rights. What kind of government doesn’t let a man or woman, whose been with their partner for decades, not let them visit their partner in the hospital after an accident or something tragic because they’re not considered “family.” What kind of society shuns gay couples because they’ve adopted a child that STRAIGHT couples didn’t want. What kind of military government awards solders who’ve killed men, but discharges them for loving one? Unfortunately, America does.

People, for some apparent reason can’t get past the whole “male, female, black, white, asian, fat, skinny, gay, straight” thing, and just think of everyone as “Human.” Freedom is not free. Not for those who fight it, support it, or are a part of it. Freedom only exists in the sense that you can wake up in the morning, take a shit, go about your marry day, and go back to bed. (this whole paragraph doesn’t really have a point, just thought I’d say something).

The gays, just like the straighties, want to fall in love, get married, have kids, buy a house, take care of each other (during and after life), and grow old together as a MARRIED couple. In some states now, gay marriage is legal, barely, but it’s legal. In others, it’s “civil unions.” And of course, in every other state, it’s still illegal and will not be recognized. In a sense, we’re “getting closer” to the ultimate “it’s legal everywhere” goal. Just give it another hundred years or so.

(Source: askagayguy.wordpress.com)

“I’ve been very comfortable being queer for quite some time, but I’ve never bothered to come out to my friends or family, just because it has never really come up. But now I have a silly crush that will never be acted upon on a member of my same sex, and I want to talk about it, at least with my friends. Should I come out over such a little thing or should I just keep on keeping on? What responsibility (if any) do I have to friends/family/roommates to tell them?”

Dear Anonymous,

You really don’t have any “responsibility” to tell anyone if you don’t feel comfortable or ready to do so. I’ve mentioned in a different post that’s I’ve never straight-up told anyone I was gay. People either have to ask me or just figure it out on their own. However, what I do to kinda hint people, and this is a good idea for you too, is that I obviously start checking out some hot guys. And if they question you or notice, they’ll ask questions, you’ll start blushing, and BAM! It’s out now.

You can even just casually bring it up and be like, “I think I like someone.” If they ask who, just go for it and tell them. One of two things might happen. One, “omg you’re gay?!?!” Two, “omg really? S/he’s so cute!” They’ll either already know, or they’ll be shocked. Eiher way, it’s an idea.

Coming out is a tough topic for a lot of people. You’re either ready or you’re not. The longer you wait, though, the harder it gets. Because you won’t exactly feel like you’re being yourself, like your hiding from the world, and basically living a lie. And in essence, that’s pretty much the case. Family and close friends probably already know. Parents almost always know, or at least have a feeling - and the same goes with close/best friends. And for the most part, they probably don’t want to confront you about it or ask you because just like you, they’re scared. People who are confronted about it often become hostile and very defensive, because they’re all like, “omg why would you ever say that. How dare you!” etc etc.

Just be subtle about it. Do the checking out trick. Or you can just be completely OBVIOUS about it and just let them figure it out! Go out to a gay bar or something (if you’re of age), that’s usually a good hint. It’s all up to you. And how YOU feel about it. Coming out is the most personal thing you can do in your life. If you think you’re ready, do it and be proud! If not, just wait. Life will always be there (for the most part) and so will your homosexuality. Live life and be gay!

(Source: askagayguy.wordpress.com)

Anonymous asked: You are no better than the guy who called the other one "too much of a fag" I think the idea of this tumblr is perfect, but it would help if the person behind the computer was actually smart. This shouldn't be "Ask a gay guy" it should be "Ask an ignorant gay guy" -.- honestly. Get a grip.

Dear Dumbass,

First of all, I’m going to assume your 12 years-old. Your message had so many grammar mistakes, my kindergardeners have better grammar skills than you.

Second, if you’re trying to accuse me of something, at least be clear about it. Otherwise, it just sounds like your running your loud ass mouth and complaining because you have nothing else better to do. Are you referring to when I told someone to go jump off a cliff when they called me “too gay”? Incase you missed it, I’m almost positive I said I was barely 21. Which probably means I was just a “young, ignorant gay” just like every other 21 year old.

Third, I’m 110% sure I’m smarter and more educated than you are. So please go finish middle school.

“Dear Ask A Gay, My boyfriend isn’t completely out of the closet and I have been super out for years and this is a constant source of tension between us. Like he has told some people in his life but he’s definitely not as openly gay as I am and it seriously bugs me and causes a lot of argument’s. Its not even that he’s not as open as I am it’s just that he is so such a sweet heart when we are together in private but when we go out in public he won’t even hold my hand. What should I do?”

Dear Anonymous,

I’ve been in that situation before, and I’ve known people who were also in the same boat. And honestly, it’s probably one of the most annoying things I could think of in a guy… To be closeted, but in a like super crazy, paranoid way! I dated this guy once who was practically perfect! Tall, really good looking, super sweet, but he would shut down every idea I had to go out. He wanted somewhere private. But his idea of private was a fucking cave in China! Like seriously, really? He was “bi” and didn’t have any plans of coming out anytime soon.

It eventually got extremely frustrating and pointless. So the going out part kind of stopped. However, during “getting to know him” and figuring out why he was such a chicken shit and so afraid, there are some heartfelt questions you could ask. You’ve probably already asked this question, but ask him WHY he doesn’t want to come out or doesn’t feel comfortable coming out? What is he afraid of? Fear of coming out is usually with the way people are raised, family values, and family beliefs, etc. So it could be because of fear of being shunned or even the possibility of being disowned by his own family. It could be fear of being harassed, bullied, neglected, or loss of important people in their life.

“Don’t you think you’d be happier if you were just out? Not having to hide your true self? Not having to live a lie?” is also a good question. And I’m sure they’ll reply with “It’s not as easy as you think it is,” or “it’s just not that easy.” Well you know what. Yes, yes it is that easy! Explain to them that you’ve gone through the exact same process of coming out. Excuses like “but your family is more open and okay with it than mine,” or “you don’t care what people think.” NO ONE should care what ANYONE thinks of you. You are you because that’s who YOU want to be, not because that’s what the world wants you to be.

It’s really all with communication. Communication is key. If you ask enough questions and be observant enough, the true core of why he’s not coming out will eventually show itself. To some coming out is probably the last thing they’d ever want to do, and it would be the hardest thing they’d ever have to go through. My coming out to my family was gruesome! There was so much crying from my mother, if I collected her tears, there’d be enough water for a third-world country to survive on for a week! And my religious aunt, she was the coolest one of all! She was the last person I wanted to come out to, but she’s the one who asked me and it was amazing. I judged her because I was scared she’d shun me out of her life. Instead, we got even closer!

When coming out, people tend to over-think, over-exaggerate, over-assume their own family. Family is your life and blood. They will always love you NO MATTER WHAT! Yes, there are a rare amount of cases where the family couldn’t handle it and kicked their own children out of the house and out of their lives, but nowadays, people are being more “cool” with it. With the amount of media the gay community gets, people are seeing more and more of the “bright side of things.”

Communication is key. Arguing about it won’t make him come out any quicker. As much as it’ll aggravate you because of his situation, the best thing you can do is support him. Let him know that you care about him and his well being and you’re there for him no matter what and when he decides to do. Being supportive is helping him more than you think. Because he’ll see that you understand and that you’re trying to help him, he’ll want to help you by helping himself one day. You have to be there for him because you know he’d be there for you, too. Don’t try to make a big deal about “looking like boyfriends” when you’re out. That shouldn’t be the case. As long as YOU know you two are boyfriends and that you’re together, who the fuck cares if everyone else has to know?! Because they don’t. Don’t cry over him not holding you when it’s cold, opening the door for you, feeding you dessert, kissing you at sunset, etc. Just be happy that he’s happy with you! And show him that you’re happy to be with him!

Everything happens for a reason at its right time and place. Don’t force him or push him to come out when he’s not ready. Instead, help him deal with it. Some people don’t ever “really” come out and announce it to the world and are still with a significant other. I have NEVER told anyone I was gay. People either had to ask or figure it out on their own. So in a sense I “really never came out.” I don’t believe that’s as important to me than it is for a lot of people. Some gays come out screaming gay the second they danced out of their mother’s twat, others don’t feel it to be necessary as long as they’re happy, the world understand, and their partner is understanding and supportive.

As for the holding hands in public thing. I don’t support PDA, so I’m gonna choose your boyfriend’s side on this one. Sorry! I think more harm than good comes with PDA. Regardless of being gay or straight. I hold hands SOMETIMES at restaurants. And usually at the movies. But I don’t usually ever go beyond that. PDA is a complete personal like or dislike. No matter how openly gay or straight someone is, you’re either okay with it or not. It’s not about being gay or straight, it’s about personal beliefs.

(Source: askagayguy.wordpress.com)

“One of my co-workers tried to hook me up with one of her gay friends. We went out for drinks and it seemed like we were having a good time. Towards the end of the night I asked if we could do this again, and he said probably not. I was a little shocked, so I asked why. He basically said I wasn’t his type because I was too much of a “fag” for his liking. I didn’t even know what to say or feel. I don’t really have a question, I kinda just wanted to hear your thoughts. Thanks.

Sean.”

Dear Sean,

Wow. First of all, what a fucking cunt! Second, if I were you, I would of seriously punched him in the throat and told him to go eat shit and die! There’s nothing that I hate more than when I see “masc str8 acting guy looking for same.” Like seriously, grow the fuck up and shut the fuck up! People like this are just insecure little boys. I understand we have preferences. I really do. My preference would be defined as “masc str8 acting,” but I would never come to a point where I would discriminate against or disrespect people because they’re not.

I don’t think I act like a “fag,” I don’t think I’m flamboyant, or a fucking flamer. But some people still think I’m really gay. Sure I have my gay moments, usually only when I get really excited about something, which is rare anyway, and my super gayness doesn’t always show because of my bitchiness. But you seriously should of punched him in the throat.

I won’t lie. What’s happened to you has happened to me once. Yearsss ago! I think I was barely 21. I met up with a guy at a local bar. I asked him what type of guys he liked, and he went on giving his likes and dislikes. Some of his reasons sounded like a lot like me, so I said just said, “sounds a lot like me *wink*.” And then he said… “Yeah. But you’re really gay.” I never felt so disrespected in my life. I literally got up and said, and I quote, “Please do the world a favor and grow the fuck up and then go do society a favor and jump off a fucking cliff. Asshole.” And I left. True story!

NEVER let anyone disrespect you like that. Do whatever you have to do to defend yourself and turn it around and make THEM feel that low. It’s bad enough that the hetros stereotype us, but to have the homos stereotype and judge fellow homos, na ah bitch, that’s a no-g0! Don’t let them bring you down, either. That LAST thing you want them to do is let them effect you in any way, shape, or form. It’s not worth it. They just need to grow up and get out of this “oh I don’t want to be seen with some fag because I don’t want to be judged” mindset. Because for the most part, that’s exactly what it is.

There are crazy massive, masculine “straight” gays out there who want to be with trannys! Trust me. I’ve seen them! And I salute the fuck out of them, because they’re the heros of the gay community. As minorities, we’re supposed to be open-minded and judgment-free. And yes, yes, I get that there are preferences, I know, I swear. BUT, that’s no reason to deny friendship or even the chance of being seen with them in public because they’re ashamed. That’s just idiotic and selfish. How do you expect the world to accept the gays if the gays can’t even accept the gays!

So… Moral of the story: Fuck them. Next time, punch them in the throat and tell them they’re never going to be happy with who they are. As for you, smile, be happy, and KNOW that one day someone is going to tell you they want to be with you BECAUSE you’re too much of a fag! As long as YOU are happy with who YOU are, then that’s ALL that matters! Promise! :)

(Source: askagayguy.wordpress.com)

3 weeks ago Short URL 54,603 notes

via zombiesaresuchaturnon

“I have been living as a bisexual person since I had my first experience with a man three years ago. Last summer I began messing around with a younger man (I am 43, he is 30). My dilemma being that he is the son of a friend of mine, and the family would NEVER accept me dating their son. They are aware he has dated men, but they are in denial as they believe he will still end up marrying a woman once he ‘settles down’. Understandably, we kept the relationship quiet. But then feelings began to develop, and they became intense. We broke it off a few times because to continue it would have been to risk his being shut out from his family.

Recently, we saw each other again and ended up in bed. I feel like I want more with him, but I’m not sure it’s possible.What’s next?

Michael”

Dear Michael,

First of all, I’d like to share my opinion about bisexualism. Simply put: I don’t believe in it (now). I understand that millions of people claim to be bisexual and it’s part of the whole LGBT community deal. But there’s been research done to prove that bisexualism doesn’t exist, but again, there’s also research that proves that it does. Anyway, point is. I’m going to try and not be biased against your orientation. So here it goes!

To me it sounds like there’s more than one dilemma. One scenario (or I guess this is also part of the issue) is that the family doesn’t accept his sexuality and continues to deny what they probably REALLY see and know. Another scenario, the age difference. The older generation of people still have this fear of when a couple is even just a few years apart! In your case, it’s 13. And finally, fear of commitment and letting go – in this case, the fear of being together and being shunned and maybe even disowned by his family.

When it comes to the issue of coming out, in my own experience as well, is probably the hardest thing a gay person could do. It’s literally terrifying! To confess that you’re gay to yourself is hard enough, telling your friends is even harder because you don’t want to lose them, and telling your family is the worse because there’s a chance they’d never want to see you ever again. For me, I titled myself as “bisexual” when I was about 14 or so, when I first started to become attracted to guys. And for the sake of my very traditional family, I believed to be bi, because I wanted to grow up, find a wife, get married, and have kids. That was “part of the plan.” I had some very good friends whom I told and understood, thankfully. I never told my family.

When I was 19 I moved away for college and ended up living with my aunt and uncle. My aunt was really religious. Not like a total crazed bible-thumper or anything, but still in the sense of being religious. I remember the day I fully came out to myself. I was on my lunch break at work and I was on the phone talking to my best friend. And all of a sudden it hit me. “I’m gay!” I told my best friend. I didn’t want to lie to myself anymore and I didn’t want to lie to the people I cared about. It wasn’t til about a year later, January 3, to be exact, when my aunt and I were taking down the Christmas decorations and my aunt asked me, “Joey. Are you gay?” In shock and in a wave of terrified relief, I said: “Yes.” She said she knew since I was seven years old… Really? She was COMPLETELY supportive and so amazing, it made my life so much easier! I never wanted to tell her until after I moved out of the house, just in case she’d go crazy and kick me out or something!

Anyway, back to you. Love is love. It’s that simple. We can’t help or control who we love and want to be with. Age, race, gender, religious beliefs, cultural background, all that is unnecessary “bagage” that people tend to make excuses for to people wouldn’t want to be together. As for coming out… You know what. He’s 30 years old. I’m hoping by now he has his life pretty established and isn’t relying at all on family support (financially, at least). Guide him and speak to him. I think it’s about time that he, and you, put some big boy shoes on and face reality. Who fucking cares that you’re a bunch of queers? If my very traditional mother, religious aunt, and “old ways” grandfather can be OKAY and support me for being gay, then anyone has hope. Sure there’ll be denial, hurt, tears, screaming and yelling at first, but it’s only for 10 minutes. If they’re really family, and really love him (you) like family is supposed to, then nothing, NOTHING will stop their love from continuing on regardless of lifestyle. But if the family does choose to shun them out, then they’re missing out on some amazing experiences that they’ll never get to have and share. I know the worse feeling in the world is losing family. It’s hard. I know. But by no means at all does that mean you have to sacrifice your own life.

Obviously I’m not saying that I know what’s best for you or for him. I’m simply sharing my experiences and opinions. It’s ultimately up to you. This is your life. Your heart and soul. And you need to follow it. It’s never fun to hide a relationship. Especially one that all you want to do is just share it with the world and show everyone how happy you are. Knowing that people are smiling when they see your happiness is one of the most amazing feelings in the world! I think if you two sat down with his family and talked about it. Let him explain to his family and just say, hey… this is me, this is who I am, and this is what makes me happy. And if the two of you choose to be together, then you should also explain that’s what the two of you want. I know it’s probably a horrific feeling to think what would your friend think dating their son, but if they’re really your friend then they’ll understand that you make their son happy and it should come between the two of you.

Again, ultimately it’s what the chemicals in your head say you should do. If you truly believe this is who you want to be with, who makes you happy and smile, and who you love. Then you should do everything possible to keep it. True love is rare. And when its found, it should be cherished for as long as imaginably possible! But… if you really believe that it just can’t happen, then you have no choice but to let it go and move on. Trust me. “Accidentally” ended up in bed together isn’t going to help you move on or forget about him. Trust me, if it were that easy, I’d be in bed with my ex every fuckin day!

Follow your gut and the stars. Good luck!

(Source: askagayguy.wordpress.com)

Ask a Gay Guy!

Fuck Yeah, Sex Positivity!: 5 Myths of Anal Sex Uncovered

Why does it matter so much for gays to get married?

I’ve been very comfortable being queer for quite some time, but I’ve never bothered to come out to my friends or family, just because it has never really come up. Should I feel obligated to tell my family and friends?

My boyfriend is in the closet. This causes tension and arguments between us a lot. He’s completely fine when we’re together privately, but a whole other person when in public. What should I do?

I went out with a guy that said he didn’t want to hang out again because I was “too much of a fag.” Thoughts?

I have been living a bisexual life. I want to be with someone whose family would never allow it – but the feelings between us is there and obvious. Is it possible for us to be together?